Monday, September 28, 2015

Pondering MS daily

Writing this blog, helps me release what I hold in. What I feel but I'm too scared to say. And I often feel like those who read it, may actually care. Too many friendships are falling apart because of my MS and it makes me sad.
I have never been one to really like quiet...I'm a very social person, until this last year. Now, I prefer not to be in crowds or around lots of noise because of my anxiety and my sensory sensitivity. I battle depression with my MS. All these things make my social life minimal. I have to conserve my energy for parenting, working, and just getting through the day. I'm parenting a teen girl (drama times ten) who has epilepsy. Along with her seizures. She has major depression disorder and possibly a personality disorder. Its not a normal teen who can be left unattended. So even though she is old enough, she srill needs a sitter while I'm at work. My employment ends in two weeks and I'm a little scared of what is going to happen. More stress means my MS symptoms are worse. I'm scared of being homeless, unemployed, and losing my daughter.

Today, I am enjoying nature at the park and reading the lesson for kids church sunday. We will be talking about the fall of Jericho. The lesson is about how when we put our faith in God, even the biggest problems crumble.

My biggest problems I've given to God are:
-an affordable place for my daughter and I.
-my health.
-fundraising for stem cell treatment to stop my MS.
-my daughter as a whole.

I have faith that God will work his great plan in my life. Sometimes his timing and my patience don't work together and I am working on that. My prayer/cry is that God will take away this pain, but he will also use me to uplift others.

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